advertiserDid government suggest “everyone put a sock in it for awhile”? After all, it has been some time since there was much to write about regarding the southern section of the High Speed Rail link.

Admittedly, every time a spokesperson for HS2 gave a press statement the stench of bullshit took weeks to fade. Was it that nobody had much to say about HS2, or simply that they had concentrated all their efforts on convincing “The North” of the benefits of HS3?

Whatever the reason, it seems that “Aussie Dave Diggins” has finally decided that the wait is over and another swipe at The Chilterns was long overdue.

“Think yourselves lucky that we’re only digging up the hills for a train track,” he announced. “If we’d have lost the battle there would have been new motorways radiating out from Aylesbury like the spokes of a wheel.”

It was, according to Diggins the best result we could have hoped for. “What do you want, one train every four minutes or a new motorway every year until UKIP gets in… well… how’dya like them onions?” he reasoned.

Hastily following behind Dave with a shovel, a gaggle of Transport Spinistry spokespersons were quick to deny the statement. “There are no plans to build new motorways anywhere in the Chilterns just yet, as it is hoped that High Speed Two will bring so many people south to work in London, that we might not need roads at all”.

Other rumours that a dozen new roads would be built to divert traffic, replace country lanes and move tunnel spoil about, were also quashed. “The Chiltern’s struggles to fill in potholes on the roads it’s got already,” declared local councillor Phil Holes, “so there’s no chance we’ll be building any more unless The Highways Department’s weekly lottery ticket comes up”.

So there you have it!

(Loosely based upon Buckinghamshire Advertiser article – some artistic license applied)