HS2 lengthIt has come to the attention of rail experts, that the HS2 train will not fit on the platforms at Liverpool’s Lime Street station. At over 400 metres in length, what was technically described as “the end bit” of HS2, will overlap by 140 metres.

We asked Department for Trains spokeswoman, Paige Turner, whether this would cause problems for commuters.

“This is a typical piece of alarmist propaganda from the NIMBY element,” she replied. “The fact is the train is not going to be too long for the station, the train is in fact just long enough.”

“Why then…” we asked, “were people voicing concerns about its length?”

“It is a plain and simple distortion of the facts,” she continued, “there is nothing wrong with the train, it is actually Lime Street Station that is slightly short… but even that is only short on one end”.

We then asked her whether there were, “any plans to lengthen the platforms or shorten the trains?”

“There are a number of ideas we are currently considering,” she then took a small notepad from her handbag and began to recite its contents.

“One idea is that we let any affected passengers get off at Manchester and take a free bus back to Liverpool”. she declared, adding…”of course they would receive a discount on the extra travel”.

“They could even get off a Birmingham, take a bus, or take a shorter train to Liverpool”.

The next entry “could jump off train and walk beside line”, had been crossed out.

“Another solution…” she hadn’t quite finished, “… is that the train could stop, then pull forward a bit and stop again,” she indicated that this was currently the favoured option.

“Why?” we asked, was this solution preferred.

“Businessmen don’t work while on buses,” she explained, “if they have to take a bus, we are defeating a point, one that we formerly used, to justify building HS2 in the first place”.

“Anyway,” she added, “We aren’t that keen on people having to get off where they don’t want to, it’s bad enough that the station we want to build at Sheffield, will be in the middle of nowhere.”

We suggested that she hadn’t mentioned making the platforms at Lime Street longer, though she quickly corrected us, explaining that this was not seen as a viable alternative.

“If we were to admit that trains could have extra carriages and in cab-signalling , we wouldn’t be able to justify spending all that money on High Speed Rail at all, would we… silly!”

We had to agree.

Article inspired by Liverpool Echo story